


Diving Act

by nidorina



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Carnivalstuck, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-16
Updated: 2011-08-16
Packaged: 2017-10-22 17:05:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/240381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nidorina/pseuds/nidorina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Feferi is determined to have her own act, to be her own person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Diving Act

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [Dread's](http://dreadelion.tumblr.com/) Carnivalstuck AU. Most of the Carnivalstuck fics that are out there right now are either extremely general or John/Karkat-centric, but the relationship Eridan and Feferi have really intrigues me, so this is based on that!
> 
> It's been mentioned that in the Carnivalstuck canon, Feferi practices a diving act. I like to think she was kind of worried about going off to do her own thing so she kept it a secret for a while!
> 
> also kanaya is probably super horribly written sob sob sob this is just so bad

The carnival hasn't stopped next to a place so perfect in a long time. It's cold than she would like, and the wind is biting at her ankles and making her shiver, but that certainly isn't going to stop her. Absolutely not. Carefully, she strips down to the simple bikini underneath her oversized pajama shirt, which she has set in a small pile next to a tree. The autumn chill feels even worse now, but she tries to ignore it; there are worse things she could be worried about.

With closed eyes, she pretends that she's in the tent and tip toeing across a diving board to everyone's suspended silence as she slowly makes her way to the edge.

She takes a deep breath, and Feferi throws herself off of the cliff.

There's no time to think but she just knows, something about this just feels right, and immediately she fights the air beating against her and pulling her apart and brings herself together into a ball. Once, twice, three times she flips forwards and then she lets herself unfurl only enough to draw her body into an arrow, her spine straight and her arms clapped together as if in prayer together, and Feferi becomes a spinning drill as she falls with the wind exploding in her ears and hitting her body, she is spiraling downwards into nothing with her hair a jet black storm cloud whipping against her bare skin and in front of her eyes, but it's okay, she thinks, if she can't see or if she can't hear or if she can barely breathe between the momentum of falling and the adrenaline because she is sure of what she's doing, something about this just feels _right_ , and she knows she can count, one, two thr—

_SPLASH!_

The ocean meets her descend and the force of the landing is amplified by the momentum of falling, and it _hurts._ But Feferi doesn't mind. Instead she lets herself float lazily and slowly rise to the surface before she slowly kicks herself up and breaks the waves, pushing the wild tangle she calls hair out of her face and breathing in deep. She smiles her performance smile at nobody, as if there had been an entire audience to see that daring, elegant dive, and casually breaststrokes back to the shore. 

She makes her way around the tents as silently as she can once she gets back to the ground and begins her trek back up the cliff's hill for her clothes. It's not a long or a difficult trip but her heart is still bursting and she's still catching her breath. She's dove before, but never from so high (and even if it was only seconds, it felt like eternity). It takes her a few minutes but she makes it to the top, only to be met with a figure standing there beside the pile she made.

“Hello, Feferi.”

She freezes and it takes her a moment to sputter out, “K-Kanaya.”

“That was a fantastic performance.” Kanaya goes on very calmly, and maybe she can't see Feferi gawking back at her as if she is actually _afraid_ in the darkness (why would she be afraid, though, the other girl is harmless, it wasn't as though she was doing anything _wrong_ , but why is she afraid). “Unfortunately I only caught the tail end of it. At first I was worried to witness somebody falling from such a height but your movements were too deliberate and, may I say, graceful, for—” 

“Kanaya,” she interrupts with her voice shaking and the jadeblood tilts her head just slightly and hums to prompt her to go on.

“Why did you come here?” asks Feferi.

“I could not sleep and so I took an opportunity to catch up on my reading,” Kanaya explains, “and then I heard somebody leaving and it was not followed by the sound of a return.”

The seatroll fidgets uncomfortably and wraps her arms around herself, as if to keep her protected. “Kan?”

“Yes?”

“You...you won't tell anyone, will you?” Her voice is so small that it barely sounds like her own.

“I will not if you do not want me to.”

She exhales a breath she didn't realize she was holding and thinks she has never felt this relieved, and she is ready to just thank Kanaya and carry on before the other troll adds, “But why are you keeping this so secret?”

“I don't want to lose it,” Feferi blurts, and her voice only keeps shrinking. “I want to have my _own_ talent, something independent of Eridan and his act, I want to be—I just want something that I can do without having to be with him, I-I guess.” 

Kanaya nods slowly, and even if she's not smiling (or maybe she is; it's too dark to know for sure) Feferi feels as though the other troll understands. “Is this something you wish to discuss with me over tea?”

Feferi hesitates. “...Tomorrow?”

“Of course.” Kanaya nods. “But if I may, if you do keep this private forever then it will never really separate you from him. It will be yours, yes, but that is all it will ever be.”

Feferi freezes up again and even though she looks surprised, she knows that's right. Sooner or later, if she really wants this— _does_ she really want this?—she'll have to tell the others. She'll have to tell Eridan (and why does just the idea make her shiver, she wonders, and make her throat knot up? She isn't scared of him, she isn't scared of anyone here, but...). 

“I am going to return to my book. Please be as quiet as you are able to when you come back to the tents as everyone is still resting and we have a busy day ahead of us.” Kanaya is already beginning to head back as she speaks. “However, you are in no rush to depart here if you do not want to be.”

Feferi stands and stares, still holding herself and she watches until she can no longer see Kanaya's silhouette descending the hill. She even watches the tents below over the cliff's side until she can see a shadow and slight movement near the performer's tent.

At first she goes for her clothes, ready to scramble into them and get back to her trailer as fast as she can. But just as she's reaching for the pile, the sounds of waves pounding the cliff hit her ears and she closes her eyes and pictures the big top.

_Does she really want this?_

As though she is in the tent, performing in front of a crowd that waits with baited breath, twirled around her finger, she takes careful, elegant strides forward, and Feferi throws herself off the cliff again.


End file.
